my smile is the child of a truthless old heart

i am a tree
and i have wrenched my own roots
from the land where i have grown.

i have left a hole in my homeland
and have found none to reclaim

or i am frightened
that once i have settled again in the dirt
i will only uproot myself once more
to find another hole
and leave another behind.

In other words, I've been going through separation anxiety. I miss you. A lot. I have been on the verge of tears, longing to be with you: not just emailing and talking on the phone (not that I've been doing that either), but joying in impromptu jam sessions, late-night philosophical and silly discussions, toasts with fair-trade coffee and old lime jell-o, and hugs, hugs, hugs (whether sandwich or otherwise).

I Love you, and I want to be with you fully. But I am afraid that when I return, my hole will no longer be where I left it. I am afraid that I have built for myself a world where I can go anywhere and still miss someone deeply and horribly.

Please, someone, please! Convince me that it is the good and strong and responsible thing to do to come back and be with you. Because this is what my soul yearns for. But I have a responsibility to the world to foster Love, and I am told that I am being trained in the best way.

But I disagree. With myself.